Sometimes in life and in a blink of an eye everything can change. Change can be good but sometimes it isn’t; we are all terrified of change, within every one of us this hidden mindset that is so systematic underneath all the chaos around that all we really try to do is stabilize our lives with very minimalistic efforts in having to face big changes, unless those changes were made for a better future, better financial stability or bettering our existing life. In general, we crave for a better change, but fear significantly a sudden unexpected change that isn’t on the pleasant side. And that’s normal. We aren’t prepared for events that aren’t under our control, or events that might cause us to shut down – but life does happen.
“WE CRAVE FOR A BETTER CHANGE, BUT FEAR SIGNIFICANTLY A SUDDEN UNEXPECTED CHANGE”
I come from a culture, where the vast majorities aren’t vocal or expressive in their personal challenges and struggles, and their struggles are only shared to family. And that’s okay. The only problem is that I –myself, always chose to express few of my battles publically, I’ve always liked being open about everything that’s going on in my life, I have my limits of course – but I do share a lot. That’s my own way of expressing my struggles and maybe that’s my way in getting through them.
I made the mistake to go public with a situation that recently happened in my life, as I mentioned earlier, I’ve always been vocal about my life, but this time I felt I was digging a deeper hole than I initially anticipated, I did the biggest mistake in being who I am which is expressing my own struggles publicly because what I got in return to me sharing “my own” struggle was unexpected. I was being judged for expressing my emotions at a time of need and desperation, I was told I was faking it, I was told I was making it seem bigger than it actually is, I was even told I looked ‘too happy’ that whatever I was experiencing in my life at that moment was nothing but a complete lie.
“I DID THE BIGGEST MISTAKE IN BEING WHO I AM WHICH IS EXPRESSING MY OWN STRUGGLES PUBLICLY”
I felt hurt and humiliated more than I could have ever imagined especially having to hear nasty, cold-hearted, unimaginable words from those I thought were the closest to me. I also felt hurt from those who showed no concern whatsoever. But I am thankful that those were only the minority and I am forever grateful for the support system that I unexpectedly had.
What most people did not know is that whatever struggles I go thru, I do not dwell on them, I fight, I stay positive, I live my life normally and I pray. All I wanted to do in some way or another is to show people that whatever they may be experiencing in their lives, they can overcome it by not dwelling on it and by being patient; as cheesy as this might sound I wanted to inspire people and give them this push to know that we are all the same, we all go thru struggles and most importantly staying strong, living a normal life dealing with any struggle and praying is of value; but what I got in return and what I truly did not expect was that I was going to be judged from those closest to me. What I did not know was that I needed to rethink my entire circle then and there and to willingly cut them off forever.
“AS CHEESY AS THIS MIGHT SOUND I WANTED TO INSPIRE PEOPLE”
I was in utter disbelief that I had those people in my life to begin with. Not only did I have to cut those people off of my life, but I also had to reconsider my entire circle of people and had to make changes to better my life, my mind-set and my future. I made this decision not based on my emotions like I usually do, but I followed what my mind and the direction I knew I had to make in order for me to live my life knowing that I got rid of people who were only comfortable being there when life was all rainbows and butterflies.
I also realized that I shared too much. Not only throughout this journey but also throughout my entire life. Sharing everything about my life was always a part of who I was. People in a way expected me to share everything while they had their own personal lives that I knew nothing about. I am not saying they are wrong for not sharing, I was wrong for sharing everything.
“I AM NOT SAYING THEY ARE WRONG FOR NOT SHARING, I WAS WRONG FOR SHARING EVERYTHING”
I came to the conclusion that most people did not share. And that’s fine, so I knew I-myself had to change. People’s engagements, pregnancies, life events, even vacations were always kept a secret until a certain time. Again this is the way it’s supposed to be in my culture and its fine. I knew I was being too expressive in literally every little detail in my life right when it happens but life teaches you that in some cases you need to reflect on your life and learn how to be with others the way they are with you. And that’s exactly what I did. And when I did that people thought I changed. I did not change; I only became a reflection of who they are and how things are supposed to be. I did not want to be the odd one no more.
“I ONLY BECAME A REFLECTION OF WHO THEY ARE. I DID NOT WANT TO BE THE ODD ONE NO MORE”
This certain phase in my life changed me to the better, I realized things I was not aware of, or was blinded by. I realized the awesome people I have in my life and held them close. I realized that certain phases that happen in life are just lessons to see a bigger picture of who you truly are and who you surround yourself with. I am glad I can fully close this chapter in my life with the changes I have made knowing that I will no longer look back at this and say this was a struggle but instead this was a direction.
“I WILL NO LONGER LOOK BACK AT THIS AND SAY THIS WAS A STRUGGLE BUT INSTEAD THIS WAS A DIRECTION”